3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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