living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
