I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
