Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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