Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
