my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
