but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
