Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
