Pregnant stripper...not hot.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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