woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize