Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
