This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
