I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
