We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
