...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
