just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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