I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
