85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
