3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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