If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
