i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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