i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You need a sexual gate keeper
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
