just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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