Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
