I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Green mimosas i think yes
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
