fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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