if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
