how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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