Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
