he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
