i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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