I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That accounts for only three of the penises
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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