I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
