Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Terrible idea I love it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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