he thought i was a dude.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
