Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
