I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
