you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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