Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
