in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
