she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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