Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
