The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
