what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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