There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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