why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
