well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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