you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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