I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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