So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
