As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
