This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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