I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
