butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
