clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
