sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
