There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
