# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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