It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
