take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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