I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
