matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
