I'm jealous of your bromance
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
