The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
