im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
