i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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