Just fell off a train. Bad.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
