And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
