The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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