well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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