My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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