apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
