another moral hangover. fuck.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
