I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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