Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
