Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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