Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
