worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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