and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
