Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
