After last night, I could never be a politician.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
