Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
