Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
