my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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