i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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