Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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