so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize