Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize