that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
