you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize