I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
