so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
