I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it because I queefed?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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