I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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