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I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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