so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
