That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
