its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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